


With or Without You

by Stargazer1116



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 80's AU, 80's Music, Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Duffy-Bum-Bum, ReyloSoCal, StudioK, Teenage Drama, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 18:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18036386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargazer1116/pseuds/Stargazer1116
Summary: This is a mash-up ode to my 80’s adolescence years. It is part real situations with the guy friend whom our “likes” never met up at the same time, growing up, friendship, first love, 80’s music, bad fashion we thought was rad, and of course...REYLO! Enjoy!*This friend was someone that at first I thought was weird and unique looking...not necessarily in a good way. Like Adam, the more I got to know him, the more attractive he became.*All the scenes between Rey and Ben, except the prom stuff, happened between my friend and I, including the who is he gonna like piece. Totally happy with how life turned out, but you always wonder what might have happened if you turned right instead of left.*I was a total prude in HS and Rey in this is so me. I'm sure that won't be a shock to anyone who reads my fics...*I also designed and sewed clothes, but lied about where they came from...for the same reasons Rey does here. The design pic in the mood board is mine.*All the places here, except Chandrila HS, are real. I ate a lot of Arby's, Studio K was a MAJOR thing in So Cal in the 80's and Richard Blade did DJ, and my friends and I loved the Pink Floyd music show at the Laserium at Griffith Park.





	With or Without You

 

Rey was nervous.

 

High school was a big deal. She felt completely overwhelmed when she took in how huge Chandrila High School was. That it was in the center of the wealthiest part of town only heightened her anxiety.

 

She glanced down at her outfit. Her oversized, pink satin, short-sleeved button-down blouse, and tapestry printed pants were more fashion-forward than anything she had gotten as a hand-me-down in foster care.

 

Maz...sweet Maz...had made sure she was ready for her first day of school. She didn’t have a lot, but she had insisted on getting Rey new clothes for her first day.

 

Rey had never had new clothes before Maz, let alone anything trendy.

 

She adjusted the knotted faux pearl necklace and checked the status of her bangs with her lace-gloved hands. They still felt firm...and high. Perfect.

 

She checked both ways before stepping out into the street with her right foot shod in her new white ankle-high lace-up boots.

 

Her frosted pink lips curled up into a smile. She had a good feeling about this.

 

She hummed “Material Girl” all the way to her first class.

 

__________________________

 

She had always loved English and was delighted when she tested well enough to be placed in the honors freshman class.

 

She smiled at Dr. Ackbar. He had a strange, spikey goatee beard and a bald head with large eyes. His dress looked more like an ivy league professor. She wondered why a Ph.D. was teaching freshman English.

 

She glanced around at the other students. There were some dressed more athletically she guessed were the jocks. There was a preppy girl sitting in front of her, and to her left was a tall boy...really tall and all limbs.

 

He answered to “Ben Solo” when Dr. Ackbar called out names for attendance.

 

She turned to study him some more but her eyes widened in surprise when she saw him looking at her with an amused smirk.

 

She dropped her eyes and furrowed her brow in confusion at his t-shirt with an anarchist symbol on it. She turned back to her other side.

 

A clean-cut, dark-skinned boy sat beside her in a football jersey. He smiled warmly at her before looking at the girl in front of her with puppy eyes.

 

Rey giggled quietly. Rose was it? She thought that was the name she heard the teacher called.

 

“Now, class...I will give you 10 minutes to find out something about your neighbors on all 4 sides of you that you did not know. That is 2 ½ minutes for each person. I will call time when you need to move on to the next person.”

 

The first segment started, and she turned to the smiling boy.

 

“Hi...I’m Rey.” She said shyly.

 

“Finn...Finn Smith. Nice to meet you.”

 

He was nice, and that he was still being nice after she saw him looking longingly at Rose made her feel free to be herself with him.

 

“So...you play football?”

 

He grinned proudly. “Yep...JV team. I started on the frosh team this summer, but right before school started I got moved up. How about you...any sports or other interests?”

 

She laughed. “No..no sports. I did some self-defense classes this summer, by my real love is art and literature.”

 

“Nice. So are you…”

 

“TIME!” Dr. Ackbar called out.

 

Rey turned to the boy behind her and raised her eyebrows. He had dark curly hair, and what she thought would be called bedroom eyes. He was handsome...and he knew it.

 

“Hey, gorgeous...I’m Poe.”

 

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Rey.”

 

“So...Rey...what is your favorite movie?”

 

“Uh...Gremlins? How about you...Poe was it?” She couldn’t help the feeling of wanting to knock down his cocky attitude a bit.

 

He clutched his hand to his chest in mock pain. “Oh, baby...you wound me. Mine is Terminator.”

 

He leaned in, “Have you seen Romancing the Stone yet?” he asked with a smirk.

 

“Ah…”

 

“TIME!”

 

“Hi...I’m Rose. I want to go to Yale, and my dream guy is Alex P. Keaton.” Rey smiled at the exuberant girl with the perfect collar-popped yellow polo and a pink sweater tied around over her shoulders. Pearl earrings and a perky ponytail finished off her look.

 

“Hi...I’m Rey, and I want to go to art school, and my dream guy is Jake Ryan.”

 

Rose sighed, “Oh...he’s dreamy too. A bit too outdoorsy looking for my taste, but a total 10.”

 

Rey sighed back in response, “He really is…”

 

“TIME!”

 

Rey hesitantly turned to Mr. Anarchy, her last interview.

 

He was all ears, nose, and lips. He was gangly and slightly awkward looking, but something was also striking about him.

 

“So...a Madonna fan, huh?” His tone was sarcastic.

 

She felt herself prickle instantly in defense. “Yes..amongst others. Why...who do you like?”

 

He smirked at her again. It was really noticeable because his lips were so big. His chocolate brown eyes held amusement.

 

“Depeche Mode, Oingo Boingo, the Clash, the Ramones...”

 

His music sounded cooler than hers. She wasn’t even sure who some of them were.

 

“So...is it just Reagan you oppose, or all government?”

 

He smirked again, “I’ll never tell, Sunny.”

 

“The name’s Rey.”

 

“TIME!”

 

She shook herself mentally from the strange, yet intriguing buy. She didn’t know what to make of him.

 

__________________________

 

She and Rose became fast friends. The girl’s perky personality suited to her positive disposition. They were enough different to keep things interesting.

 

And, in the social culture of high school, Rose also provided a cool older sister, a junior, who was well-connected amongst the upperclassmen. Rey earned points with her peers from Paige taking the girls to football games and dances. Paige’s friends got to know her and were nice to her, which scored a lot of popularity cred in the freshman world.

 

It was at one of these football games, in the parking lot, where she had her first out of class interaction with Ben Solo.

 

Paige had to arrive at the game early to put up spirit posters, so she and Rose had to tag along.

 

“Hey...Sunny…” she heard. Only one person called her that.

 

She turned and saw Ben leaning against a black car. Was he smoking?

 

Maz had been taking her to church, and the youth pastor was just talking about kids getting caught up in bad behaviors due to peer pressure.

 

Emboldened, she walked over to him. “Solo…”

 

When she got closer, she smelled the spicy sweet smell of what he was smoking. They weren’t cigarettes.

 

Her curiosity got the best of her. “What is that? It smells like Christmas cookies.

 

He took a drag and aimed his exhale in her direction. Even though she was a few feet away, she was enveloped in the smell.

 

“Cloves.”

 

He inhaled again before holding it out. “Want to try?”

 

She raised up her chin and looked at him with disdain. “No thanks...I value my health.”

 

He chuckled. “There’s no tobacco in them or anything...they are herbal.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Solo. See you around.”

 

She turned and grabbed Rose’s arm, dragging her toward the football stadium.

 

“I think he likes you,” Rose whispered.

 

“More like he likes teasing me, you mean.”

 

Rose snorted. “C’mon, Rey. You know what they say...the boy who pulls the pigtails...that they really…”

 

Rey sighed. “I really don’t care, Rose. He’s not my type.”

 

__________________________

 

Somehow, for all his strangeness, Ben was popular. So much so, that he was elected freshman class president. Kaydel was vice president, Rey was the secretary, and Rose was treasurer.

 

That meant that in actuality, the girls did all the work. Ben wasn’t interested in planning dances, or the homecoming float…

 

In fact, the girls would rather he not be involved, because his ideas were a bit strange.

 

“C’mon...why can’t we have the float theme song be ‘Master & Servant’...”

 

Kaydel rolled her eyes at him. “Isn’t that song about BDSM, Ben? We can’t do that.”

 

He wiggled his eyebrows. “Why not spice things up?”

 

Rose tried to reason. “Do you think your mother would approve of something like that while she is up for re-election for the Senate?”

 

He gave a dismissive sigh and sunk down in his seat.

 

“Wait...your mom is a senator, and you are for anarchy? What is that all about?” Rey asked incredulously.

 

“We don’t get along,” he huffed.

 

“I wonder why?” she retorted.

 

He swore under his breath.

 

“You know that swearing is a sign of low intelligence...that you couldn’t come up with a better word…”

 

Her smugness was not appreciated.

 

“Whatever, little girls. Let me know when I need to be where. You three can handle this,” he ground out before he stalked out of the room.

 

Kaydel looked at her. “You really don’t know much about him, do you?”

 

“I know enough.”

 

The blonde girl looked her over for another moment and then started in on the agenda.

 

“OK...so for that song for the homecoming float…”

__________________________

 

Toward the end of the school year, Finn's friendship with Rey and infatuation with Rose have added him to their little group, making them a trio.

 

Finn, though, brought a new set of interests.

 

“C’mon, girls. Everyone will be there. You don’t have to drink or anything. I just want to see what it is like.”

 

They looked at each other and sighed.

 

“We can bring our Diet Coke?” Rose offered with a shrug.

 

“Whatever. At least it’s close to your house, so we can walk home if it is horrible.”

 

It was horrible.

 

Rey had never been in an environment like that where everyone was drinking. It really wasn’t her cup of tea, especially after what happened to her parents and a few of her bad foster home situations.

 

Right when they walked up, a girl was puking in the bushes.

 

Rey looked over at Finn and mocked, “Gosh Finn...this looks like so much fun!”

 

They stepped inside and Rey recognized The Cure song that was playing. Her musical tastes had grown a lot since the beginning of the year. The lights were low and the air was smoky.

 

It was a really nice house a street away from Rose’s in an upscale Chandrila neighborhood. She wondered to herself, though, how the kid who lived here would ever clean it all up before their parents got home.

 

The girls made a loop, losing Finn to some of the football guys.

 

Rose kept looking back toward him, worrying her lip.

 

Rey leaned close and yelled so she could hear her, “Why don’t you go check on him. I’m going to go out back for some air.”

 

Rey squeezed her shoulder and took a can of Diet Coke before heading out the back slider door from the dining room, passing a group playing quarters on the table.

 

The relief of the fresh air and quiet instantly calmed her. She started to look around for a place to sit…

 

“Sunny...whatcha doin' here? You’re too good to be here...” she heard a familiar voice slur.

 

She turned to see the light of a cigarette and the dark silhouette of her sometimes friend, sometimes foe.

 

She walked over and sat on the outdoor couch next to him.

 

He was smiling...he never smiled.

 

“Are you drunk?” she asked in disbelief.

 

“Ye-ep” he replied, popping the sound of the p.

 

“Why?”

 

Her eyes were adjusting to the dark, and she could see him better now. His expression darkened...almost looked sad.

 

“I dunno...to forget.”

 

She studied him. He was still such an enigma.

 

“Forget what, Ben?”

 

He let out a nervous laugh. “Maybe...maybe being forgotten…”

 

She let the silence stretch out before she responded.

 

“You know. Ben...I don’t know what is going on, but if you ever want to talk, I am a good listener.”

 

He turned those brown eyes to her. They looked sorrowful and naked. “I think you are too light to hear about my darkness...Sunny.”

 

“We all have a bit of dark in us, Ben. If you don’t let it out, it will take over.”

 

He just shrugged.

 

__________________________

 

She didn’t talk to him all summer. When they started the sophomore year, she was surprised at his change in appearance.

  
  
He was wearing all black now. His hair even looked darker. Was he dying it? It was short around the sides and the back, but long on top and hung in his eyes.

 

His eyes were harder.

 

They didn’t have any classes together, but their math classes were next door to each other during the same period.

 

One day, he was waiting for her outside, leaning against the wall.

 

“Hey...I have something for you.”

 

She looked at him suspiciously. He laughed it off and pulled something from his pocket.

 

“I have a friend that likes you...a secret admirer. He knows I know you, so he asked me to give you this.”

 

She took the folded piece of notebook paper from his hand and thought about what he said.

 

“A friend...and you aren’t going to tell me who?”

 

His grins were rarer these days in all his darkness, but it popped out in spite of himself at her.

 

“I promised I wouldn’t...and I keep my word.”

 

Later, when she recounted the experience to Rose, her friend wasn’t buying it.

 

“Rey-Rey...it’s totally him. I told you he liked you.”

 

She was skeptical, but could it be true? Did Ben Solo like her?

 

There were four other occasions where he delivered similar notes to her outside of math. She would try to study his mannerisms and see if there were any clues that it was him.

 

She couldn’t see anything.

 

It made her think about him more and more, though. What would she do if he ever confessed? Could she like him back?

 

Her feelings for him were complex. He was sometimes kind, mostly infuriating, and charming…

 

...wait...charming?

 

Why did she think that? The vision of his grin popped in her mind, the one that seemed reserved only for her.

 

But he was so different from her. He was hard and dark...he swore and drank and smoked.

 

They had hardly anything in common.

 

But the longer she had known him, the more attractive he had gotten.

 

She really didn’t know what to think about Ben.

 

__________________________

 

“C’mon, Rey...it will be fun!”

 

It seemed like those words from Finn often had her doing things she regretted.

 

“You hate parties...this is a way for us to see people and go have fun. Besides, Knotts for only $8? Even if you hate the dance club, you can go on rides.”

 

She sighed. He did have a point, and she loved amusement parks.

 

“What did Rose say?”

 

Finn grinned widely. “She said if you go, she’ll go.”

 

Knowing how he felt about Rose, she couldn’t say no now and keep him from another night to try to woo her affection.

 

“Fine. I’ll go. What should we wear?”

 

She heard him pull back from the phone and shout, "YES!" before responding. “Well...that DJ from KROQ is there, Richard Blade? Studio K tends to be more of a New Wave crowd. You know...lots of black clothes, black eyeliner...cloves…”

 

A little voice in the back of Rey’s mind asked if that might mean that Ben would be there. She didn’t like that voice that seemed to be more and more vocal these days.

 

She hung up the phone with Finn and went to her closet.

 

Last summer she had taken a sewing class, and she was enjoying applying her love of art to fashion. She had designed and sewn a few items. Some people would comment on them, and she always brushed off their questions asking where she got it, making up a fictitious boutique name in a town hours away.

 

It’s not that she wasn’t proud of what she did. She was, and inside glowed when people commented on her creations. It's just that it was that Chandrila High. There were so many people with money and expensive, designer clothes...and kids that could be cruel. She just didn’t want to open herself up to the attention if they found out about her homemade items and ridiculed her for it.

 

So she lied. Rose knew, but she guarded her secret with her.

 

She pulled out a black dress she had made a few weeks earlier. The skirt was short and tight, but the top was loose and drapey. It had one bare arm and one arm with a long sleeve. She decided to pair it with black pumps and large rhinestone earrings.

 

She left her hair wavy and scrunched, but pulled it back on one side and added a rhinestone comb to it.

 

Finn wolf-whistled when he came and got her after Rose.

 

“Wowza, Rey. You are going to get some attention tonight.”

 

And, she did...more than she ever had in her 15 years of life. She danced and laughed for hours.

 

That is until one guy made her particularly uncomfortable. He kept touching her, and his hands seemed to want to roam to places she wasn’t OK with. She tried to back away, but he was relentless.

 

She first noticed a look of fear in his eye when he looked up over her shoulder before she heard the deep voice behind her.

 

“Hey...dickwad...back off. She’s with me.”

 

He fled, and she slowly turned to face her savior. She knew the voice, but she didn’t quite believe what just happened.

 

When she finally looked up at him, he bent down and looked in her eyes. “You OK, Sunny?”

 

As she peered up at him, she had two thoughts. One, he genuinely looked concerned about her. That made her heart race just a tad. And, secondly...was he wearing eyeliner?

 

He definitely was. She tried not to giggle.

 

“Ah...yeah...I think so…”

 

He considered her for another minute. “You want to get out of here?”

 

She looked over to Finn and Rose dancing a few feet away, oblivious to all that had just happened.

 

“Uh...let me tell them? I’ll meet you outside?”

 

Her friends looked wrapped up in their own world, but they did register her directions that she would meet them at the front entrance at 11 pm.

 

Ben was waiting for her with his hands in his pockets and a bemused look on his face.

 

“You gonna be able to go on any rides in that get-up?” he taunted.

 

Was he making fun of her? She instantly got defensive.

 

“We don’t have to do this, Solo.”

 

He looked back at her with his enhanced brooding gaze. His eyes looked so intense like this…

 

“Hey...don’t get all huffy. You look nice...really nice...just not practically dressed to go on rides.”

 

She felt the tension leave her, and a warm feeling replaced it. _Really nice..._

 

“Well...err...maybe not Soapbox Racers or the Log Ride...but other things?”

 

“You like rollercoasters?”

 

She just nodded, and they turned to head toward Montezuma’s Revenge.

 

She was surprised to find that their conversation flowed easily in line. He kept resting his hands on the bars that bordered each side of the line to lean down and talk to her. Sometimes, when the line moved right, he almost would cage her in.

 

A few rides later, they decided to take a break. He bought her a hot chocolate since the night turned chilly, and they sat on a bench waiting for it to cool before they could drink it.

 

She looked up at him and saw him looking off in the distance, apparently deep in thought.

 

“So, Ben...are you, you know, still drinking to forget?”

 

He came back to himself at her question and looked down at the styrofoam cup in his hands. “Sometimes…”

 

She bit her lip, not sure if she should prod, but almost not able to help herself.

 

“Do you think you might ever tell me what you try to forget?”

 

“It’s not really a big deal,” he said as his shoulders shrugged. “I just don’t get along well with my parents is all.”

 

“Is it bad?”

 

He looked down at her and gave her a half-smile. “I mean...they don’t beat me or anything. My mom is just gone a lot with political stuff, and my dad travels a lot for his business. I don’t ever see them, but when I do, they ride my case a lot.”

 

She wasn’t sure what to say, so she just stayed quiet. He continued.

 

“I just feel sometimes like an afterthought...an annoyance. I see our housekeeper Rosa more than them. I’m not even sure why they had me.”

 

She could see the pain on his face, and it was transferring to her. She felt the tell-tell tingles of tears working up.

 

He shook his head and took a sip of his drink.

 

“What about you...you get along with your parents?”

 

She let out a sad, snorty laugh.

 

“I...ah...don’t have parents.”

 

He looked at her confused. “Seriously?”

 

She nodded, looking down at her cup and tracing her fingers along the edge.

 

“Yeah. They died when I was young...they were alcoholics. I drifted in and out of foster care for 10 years until Maz took me in last year. She is great. She is looking into adopting me, but she’s given me the best, most stable home I’ve ever had.”

 

His dark-rimmed eyes seemed to overflow with emotion as they looked down at her.

 

His voice seemed to drop and soften. “You know...when I first met you, I thought you were some goody-two-shoes who had it all. You seemed so...I dunno...light and bright. I always feel so dark...so angry. I thought we had nothing in common...but maybe we do after all. We might be more alike than I thought...both being left. Different reasons, but left the same.”

 

She thought about his words, weighing their truth in her mind. “I guess so...maybe we just handle that loneliness differently?” she mused.

 

He leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs, but then looked back up at her. “You aren’t alone, Rey.”

 

“Neither are you, Ben”

 

__________________________

 

Ever since that night at Knotts, they forged an unlikely friendship.

 

Finn and Rose went official with their relationship after that night at Studio K. While she still hung out with them, she didn’t like feeling like a 3rd wheel. Her friendship with Ben became an easy solution to that.

 

They would talk on the phone a few nights a week, and would even hand out at lunch sometimes. She even got to know Hux and Phasma, his two best friends, quite a bit.

 

Not a lot...but it was different.

 

Finally, she worked up the nerve to ask him something she’d been dying to know.

 

“Ben...I want to ask you something...but I’m a bit afraid to.”

 

They were walking to the gym. For all his dark ways, he was the captain of the basketball team, and he had practice.

 

“You know you can ask me anything, Sunny.”

 

“Well...I was just wondering...I mean, our relationship is totally different now...but back at the beginning of the year...the secret admirer thing...was that you?”

 

He stopped and smirked down at her.

 

“No...it wasn’t me. It was Mitaka.” He leaned down. “Did you want it to be me, Rey?”

 

So many thoughts ran through her head. Mitaka? The computer nerd? That is who liked her? Ugh. Oh now...and now Ben thought…she implied...

 

“What..um...no...I mean…” she stammered. She took a deep breath. “Rose thought it was you...and I didn’t think so, but I just wanted to know...” she trailed off.

 

Ugh. Surely her face was red.

 

“I’m sorry, Ben. I…”

 

“Why are you sorry? You wondered...I responded. I’m glad you asked and got it settled. I’d like to think if I liked you, I’d have to pelotas to admit it without a secret admirer note scheme…”

 

“Oh…”

 

He looped an arm around her shoulders. “C’mon, Sunny. If you stick around until after practice, I’ll take you to Arby’s for curly fries and a Jamoca shake before I drive you home.”

 

__________________________

 

The summer was full of hanging with Phasma and Ben. Hux and Ben had some sort of falling out, and Rose and Finn were off being a couple.

 

Rey found she liked Phasma’s wicked sense of humor. That she resembled a mash-up of Billy Idol and Siouxsie from Siouxsie and the Banshees made it all the more interesting. They were so different from her, but she liked that.

 

They went to the beach. Ben actually kind of got a tan. He was past his new-ro vampire look and looked a bit more...alive.

 

He took the two of them to see Top Gun and bellyached about it the whole ride home.

 

“I didn’t know you were just going to howl at the screen all night like two cats in heat.”

 

They giggled.

 

“But Ben,” Rey drawled and batted her eyelashes, “that volleyball scene…”

 

He snorted. “You know, girls get all offended when they do gratuitous girl scenes in movies, but you all are perfectly fine when it’s the guys. That’s crap.”

 

Phas piped in, “Yeah...but they weren’t _naked_! I mean...Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Sixteen Candles, Revenge of the Nerds...the girls got totally naked. This is different.”

 

He laughed and the banter continued all the way home.

 

He smiled more now too. His dad had changed his role in his business and was home more now. Ben just seemed less angry.

 

“So...are you ever going to tell me what happened with Hux? It’s so weird how he went from being one of your best friends to...well...this.”

 

It was just the two of them driving home after dropping Phasma off. He sighed deeply and swore under his breath.

 

She laughed. “You...you haven’t been doing that as much lately.”

 

“What?”

 

“Swearing...I haven’t heard it.”

 

His trademark smirk took over. “I guess in all this time hanging with you, you’ve been a good influence.”

 

She snorted. “Yeah...right.”

 

“No...I’m totally serious. I was playing pickup with some guys last weekend, and one of them swore...before I even knew what was coming out of my mouth, I told him not to take the Lord’s name in vain. I just stood there, shocked...I mean, I don’t even believe or go to church or anything, and it just popped in my head that it was because of you.”

 

She just stared at him agape.

 

“What...it’s a good thing, right?”

 

She shrugged, feeling warm all the sudden. “I guess so…”

 

“So...anyway...about Hux. I really don’t want to tell you what happened. It’s gross, and he’s a disgusting pig...I can’t even say it to you. But, suffice it to say he was a bad influence, and it’s good he’s not in my life anymore.”

 

She chewed on her lip. “He invited me to his big birthday party. Are you going?”

 

He looked over at her and his eyes lost all their mirth. “No...he didn’t invite me. And, I don’t want to tell you what to do, Rey, but if you go...stay away from him. I’m serious...don’t even be alone around him.”

 

Her mind raced with all of why and what made him respond to Hux the way he did.

 

“I don’t think I’m going to go. The only one I know that was invited is Phas, but she’s not going either.”

 

He smirked down at her. “Good. I would worry about you if I wasn’t there.”

 

She looked out the window to hide her smile and the flush she was sure was there on her face. Something about the way Ben was protective with her made her all gooey inside.

 

“Hey..." he said, remembering something, "can I borrow your Joshua Tree cassette? I want to listen to see if I want to buy it?”

 

Her attention was drawn back to him. She reached into her purse and pulled out her Walkman, popped out the tape, and put it in its case to hand to him.

 

“Don’t mess it up, Solo.”

 

He did. He washed it in his jeans and had to buy her a new one.

 

__________________________

 

Maz let her have a party for her 16th birthday. Rose, Finn, and Phas decided to take over and plan it for her.

 

They decided to hold it at Rose’s house. They hired a DJ and everything.

 

She worked on a new emerald green mini-skirt suit for the occasion. She still wouldn’t tell anyone it was her work. She paired it with cobalt blue pumps, and she thought she looked pretty good.

 

They embarrassed her a bit by making all the boys at the party dance with her. Finn was first to “Time of My Life.” A few acquaintances that she didn’t know well, then with Poe to “Take My Breath Away.” He was acting weird and if felt awkward.

 

The last one was Ben. She heard the haunting strains of “Question of Lust” start.

 

He settled his hands on her lower back, and she snaked her arms up around his neck. In her heels, she could actually reach him.

 

She realized, as she looked at the buttons on his chest, that she had never been this close to him. For all the time they spent together, she wasn’t sure they had ever even hugged. This felt very intimate. She could feel the heat of his body and his breath on her forehead.

 

“Are you having fun, birthday girl?” his voice rumbled down.

 

She swallowed and glanced up at him. His face was so close. The experience was heady.

 

“Uh...yeah...of course.”

 

“Good. You deserve it.”

 

She nodded and look back down. There were butterflies swirling in her gut and she felt like something special was happening.

 

Why was she feeling this way about Ben? She remembered when she first met him how weird he seemed, and how he was gangly and awkward.

 

He had grown into his tall form. She could feel how muscular his chest and shoulders were now under her arms. His face had filled out some, off-setting his nose and lips. And, his inky hair was longer now and covered his ears. She could feel the silk of it brush her hands as they moved.

 

Ben had gotten...well...hot.

 

Before she knew it, the song was over and it was time for cake.

 

She went back in the house to go to the bathroom and was surprised to see Poe standing there when she got out.

 

“Hey, there Rey.”

 

His voice seemed a bit slurred. Had he been drinking? There wasn’t any alcohol there…

 

He leaned his arm on the wall above her head and caged her in a bit.

 

“There is a rumor going around about you.”

 

She was annoyed and crossed her arms over her chest while she glared back at him, “A rumor?”

 

“Yep...a rumor...that the sweet 16 and never been kissed adage is true about you.”

 

She saw where this was going, and tried to move out.

 

Before she could though, he grabbed her arms and thrust his lips on hers.

 

Then, it was like a slow-motion movie. She pulled back, stunned. As she tried to get her brain to react and do something, she turned and saw Ben standing there. She hadn’t seen his eyes look like that since that night at Knotts talking about his parents.

 

He turned and walked out the front door.

 

Finally, the slo-mo stopped, and she turned her attention to Poe. Before she could think about it, seemingly of its own accord, her hand came up and slapped his face.

 

“Don’t ever do that again.”

 

Then, she kicked off her heels and ran. When she got to the front porch, she saw the tail lights of Ben’s black Toyota pickup heading down the street.

 

__________________________

 

At school the next week, the rumors started going around.

 

Ben was dating Kaydel.

 

Just when she was starting to realize her feelings for him...he broke her heart.

 

He wasn’t talking to her either.

 

Phas took her to Arby’s to drown her sorrows in grease and ice cream.

 

She tried not to think about the two of them together, but she couldn’t stop the feelings and it made her feel hollow inside.

 

There were not enough curly fries in the world to fill that hole.

 

“He’s not really talking to me much right now either, love. He’s been off the grid to anyone except basketball and...well...her.”

 

“I know,” she sighed. “He’s not taking my calls. Ever since that night...damn Poe.”

 

“Whoa...Snow White swearing? It must be serious.”

 

“I just...I realized too late that I liked him, and now…”

 

Phasma leaned back and let out a heavy exhale. “I’m not sure I should tell you this. I don’t know if it will make you feel better or worse.”

 

Her brow furrowed. “What? I’m not sure anything would feel worse.”

 

“Well, the week before your party, Ben came to me and talked to me about liking you and her. He wasn’t sure who to choose. He really liked you, but he’s known Kay forever and they are good friends...he knew they had a lot in common. I saw him at the party...it seemed like he was into you. That thing with Poe…” she trailed off.

 

Rey winced and looked out the window through the lettering of the combo special pasted there. “That might make it a little worse…”

 

Phas sighed, “Damn Poe.”

 

__________________________

 

After breaking up with Finn a bit at Christmas, Rose started hanging a bit with the other two girls. He started spending time with Poe. Then, when they got back together in January, they all started hanging together.

 

Poe finally apologized.

 

“Before your party, some of us were drinking in the street by the cars. I...I didn’t mean to force myself on you like that. I’m so sorry, Rey. I feel terrible.”

 

“Well, you should.”

 

“I do. I really just want to be your friend. I know it might take time, but I will do whatever you want me to do to make it up to you.”

 

“I...what you did was wrong, really wrong. I forgive you. Just...don’t ever do anything like that again. To anyone.”

 

His smile was genuine. “I won’t...I promise.”

 

And just like that, a new group was formed.

 

__________________________

 

Two days before Valentines Day, Phas called her.

 

“You are never going to guess who called me out of the blue today.”

 

“Tom Cruise?”

 

“No.”

 

"Michael Hutchence?"

 

"Rey..."

 

“Robert Smith?”

 

That earned her a snort. “No...Ben.”

 

“Oh?” She did her best to keep her tone even.

 

“Yeah. He said that Kay is out of town on the 14th, and he thought it would be fun for the three of us to do something like old times. He was worried, though, about what you would think. If you’d want to.”

 

She felt the familiar pit in her stomach that came when she thought about Ben. She missed him, though...she really missed him being her friend.

 

“I...sure. That would be great.”

 

“Rad. He said he was thinking about going to the Pink Floyd show at the Laserium at Griffith Park. It sounds fun?”

 

She really didn’t know Pink Floyd’s music, but it didn’t really matter.

 

“Sure...I’m in.”

 

__________________________

 

On the way into LA, Rey couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

 

“Ben...I really have to pee. How much longer?”

 

He smirked at her in the rear-view mirror. “Probably half an hour. It’s that bad?”

 

She nodded. Her eyes were even starting to tear up.

 

He pulled up into a Church’s Chicken lot and grabbed a bat out of the back seat. When she looked at it questioningly, he said, “Rey...we’re in Compton...and a bad area of it at that. I'm not letting you walk in there alone.”

 

And then he just walked her inside and stood guard at the bathroom door...like her own personal bodyguard.

 

That seemed to break the ice a bit, and they were somewhat back to their teasing rapport the rest of the night.

 

Which was good, because Griffith Park on Valentine’s day was a couples destination. If things were still awkward when they got out of the car, it would have been much, much worse navigating all the people making out.

 

She tried not to look too longingly at the flowers and stuffed teddy bears for sale. Would she ever have someone?

 

“You know, usually people come to this show when they are high. They say it enhances the lasers.”

 

Rey watched the psychedelic laser light show overhead on the domed ceiling and giggled. It already seemed pretty dizzying. “I can’t even imagine…”

 

Later, after he dropped Phas off first just like old times, it was just the two of them sitting in his truck in front of her house.

 

“So...I’m happy for you, Ben. You seem happy with...her.”

 

He seemed kind-of distracted. “Yeah...sure...it’s great.”

 

Silence followed. Finally, she sighed, “Maybe someday I’ll find someone too…”

 

He looked over at her and cleared his throat. “You know...it helps to be friends first.”

 

That stung a bit. “Are you giving me dating advice now, Solo?”

 

He let a laugh bubble up and shrugged. “I mean, it’s just easier to build a relationship on friendship. Like Kay and me.”

 

And...then she just couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t listen to him talk about her for one more second. Her heart just couldn’t bear it.

 

“Yeah, well...thanks for a fun night. I better go.”

 

She opened the door and started to step out. But then something bubbled up in her, and she couldn’t stop it.

 

“By the way...I tried that friendship first thing. It didn’t work...trust me.”

 

She didn’t even look back, but jumped out as soon as the words were out of her mouth. The tears were streaming down her face before she got to the front door.

 

As soon as she got inside, she leaned against the closed door and let them pour out.

 

She didn’t even notice Ben watching her all the way inside with a confused, pained look.

 

She also didn’t notice that it took him 10 minutes after that to leave.

 

__________________________

 

She and Rose went to the mall to look at formals. Prom was coming up, and of course, she and Finn were going.

 

They both tried on formals. Rose was for real, of course, and Rey did it just for fun. She realized that if she was really going, she probably wanted to make it herself. She was never completely satisfied with something she found in the store.

 

“What about you?” Rose called out from her dressing room.

 

“What about me?” Rey was a bit distracted. She was trying a forest green dress. She liked most of it, but there were a few things she would tweak.

 

“I mean prom. Finn told me that Poe wanted to ask you to go...just as friends...but he’s nervous that you will think he’s after you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Would you do it? I mean, the four of us could go together...it would be fun. I hate to think about you being home alone.”

 

She bit her lip as she looked at herself in the mirror. She would like to get dressed up and go...and she and Poe had become good friends the last few months.

 

“The guys even said they would rent a limo.”

 

“You know what...yes. I would love to go!”

 

Rose squealed. “This is going to be the best night ever!”

 

__________________________

 

The girls got ready at Rose’s house on prom night. Maz had come over with her and was hanging with the Tico’s while they primped.

 

Paige had even done their makeup.

 

Rey looked at her image and hardly recognized herself. She had made her dress from a forest green taffeta. It had an off-the-shoulder wrap portrait collar and the bodice gathered to one side and then had a train of sorts that cascaded down her side. It had a modest slit on that side that got covered by the train piece, then the skirt was long and straight.

 

She felt like a movie star.

 

“Wow, Rey-Rey...you look amazing!”

 

Rose was cute in her short, poofy coral dress and the sophisticated makeup Paige did on her.

 

The doorbell rang, signaling the guys’ arrival.

 

Poe was complimentary is a purely friendly way. She appreciated how careful he tried to be to not cross that line with her.

 

They got to the hotel in LA and it was all the fantasy fabulousness Rey had imagined.

 

She took her shoes off for the picture so she was shorter than Poe. She had a fleeting thought that if it was Ben…

 

No. She couldn’t think like that.

 

They were on the dance floor before she saw him. Her breath caught in her throat.

 

Ben Solo cleaned up nice.

 

His tux was simple with a black bow tie and white shirt. He didn’t wear any of the colored cummerbunds and stuff a lot of the guys did. He looked like James Bond.

 

She tried not to stare. She failed that.

 

As the song ended, he and Kay walked by them, and the other girl stopped to talk.

 

“Wow...Rey...I love your dress. Where did you get it?”

 

She felt the familiar flush come...but this time, she decided to be real.

 

“I...I actually made it.”

 

“What...wow...that is amazing…”

 

Ben looked down at her with a look of pride on his face. “It’s great, Rey.”

 

She held his gaze for just a second longer than necessary before she came back to herself.

 

“Thank you,” she murmured and dropped her eyes.

 

She felt Poe’s hand on her back. “Hey...it’s time to eat I think.”

 

They said their goodbyes and met Finn and Rose back at their table.

 

When they sat, she was quiet. Finally, Poe spoke up.

 

“So...how long have you been in love with him?”

 

Her eyes widened in surprise. She thought about denying it, but then just shrugged.

 

“A long time. I thought he liked me too...at my party...but it wasn’t meant to be.”

 

Poe was quiet before finally saying, “It’s my fault, isn’t it?”

 

She sighed. “Probably not. I mean, he already liked her...I’m not sure it made any difference. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be.

 

__________________________

 

An hour later, Poe found himself in the bathroom along with Ben. And by found himself, it meant he made sure of it by waiting for Ben and then posting Finn outside to keep others out for a few minutes.

 

“So...Benny Boy...are things serious with Kaydel?”

 

Ben snorted. “Why should I tell you, Dameron.”

 

Poe smiled. “Well...I saw how you looked at Rey earlier...like a man looking at a glass of water after being in the desert. It didn’t seem like a way you would look at another girl if you were in love with your girlfriend.”

 

Ben turned to look at him and crossed his arms. “I don’t see how this is any of your business…”

 

Poe held up a hand. “Wait just a minute. Now, I can sense you getting agitated, so before you think about punching me, I need to say two things.”

 

Ben gave him a curt nod, so he continued.

 

“First...at Rey’s party...that was me being a drunken idiot. She didn’t want to kiss me, and she didn’t reciprocate. I was being an ass. She’s forgiven me...but I saw you that night, and I know what you thought.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, Poe...she…”

 

Poe held up two fingers. “And...two. That girl has been pining for you for months. You broke her heart. I wouldn’t even tell you that and betray her trust like that if I wasn’t sure you felt the same.”

 

Ben’s mouth hung open.

 

“So...I’m going to ask you again. How serious are things with Kay?”

 

Ben found his voice, and it croaked a little. “We...we figured out we are just good friends. There really isn’t a spark. She just wanted to go to prom...we broke up two weeks ago. She...ah...has seen how I look at Rey.”

 

Poe grinned widely. “Then why don’t you go ask that girl to dance and put her out of her misery.”

 

Ben smiled.

 

__________________________ 

 

When the guys got back inside, Miss Holdo, the vice-principal of students activities, was getting ready to announce the prom king and queen.

 

Rey was startled out of her revery when her name was called.

 

Rose grabbed her arm and squealed. “That’s you, Rey-Rey! Get up there!”

 

Rey did her best not to stumble to the middle of the dance floor to Holdo.

 

“And...the prom king is...Ben Solo!”

 

Cheers erupted. Rey bent her head as they pinned on a tiara to her head, and Ben bent even farther when they put the plastic gold crown on his.

 

“And now...our king and queen will start off our couples dance!”

 

He held out his arms to her and she gingerly placed her hands in his. Her favorite U2 song, "With or Without You" came on. The lyrics seemed fitting for them.

 

They didn’t talk, but they stared in each other's eyes. No one else in the room existed for 3.5 minutes.

 

He left her after and then reappeared just a moment later.

 

“Could...could we go outside and talk?” he asked with hopeful eyes.

 

“But...what about Kaydel…”

 

“She...ah...has a ride.”

 

She glanced back toward her friends, and Poe was grinning at her with a thumbs up. Kaydel was sitting next to him.

 

She nodded and he led her out to the pool terrace. They sat on a pool lounge quietly before he spoke.

 

“I...I lied.”

 

She looked up at him in confusion.

 

“When I told you I would have the balls to tell you if I liked you. Even then...when I said that...I did. But I felt like I was in the friend zone with you. So I waited and hoped.”

 

He took her hand in his and tingles frissoned up her arm.

 

“Then...at your party...I was starting to feel like maybe you felt the same. I was going to confess I liked you that night...but then…”

 

Rey looked down at their joined hands. “Damn Poe.”

 

He guffawed...bellowed really.

 

“You...you swear now?”

 

She smiled up at him. “No...not really...that is just how Phasma and I refer to him from that night.”

 

“Right...so...damn Poe. It..it crushed me. I thought you and him...well, anyway, you know what happened. Kay had liked me for a while and was tossing out all kinds of hints, and you were not. Then you kissed another guy. I just took it as a sign and finally decided I should go out with her.”

 

He looked out at the pool. “It...it was ok. But really, it was more a relationship of convenience than anything. There was never any real spark with her. We were really just meant to be friends. We decided that two weeks ago and broke-up. She still wanted to come to prom, though...and everyone else was already matched with dates. So here we are.”

 

He looked down at her then and grinned. “I think I’ve been half in love with you since you sat next to me that first day in Dr. Ackbar’s class. You intrigued me and were opposite than me in ways that were good...drew me to a better place. You have been one of my best friends, and I never wanted to mess that up.”

 

She leaned her head against his arm. “I realized I liked you the night of my party. I should have known...little signs had been there for a long time, but I pushed them down. I was finally ready to admit to it, but…”

 

“Damn Poe,” he murmured into the top of her head and then kissed it.

 

“The sad part was...I hadn’t ever kissed anyone...still haven’t really. I felt like he took that from me, even if it was less a kiss and more of a drunken...I don’t know...whatever it was. It didn’t feel like I thought a kiss would.”

 

She felt him shift and then his other hand on her chin. He pulled it up so she was looking at his eyes.

 

“What I couldn’t say back there is that you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Tonight especially...but you always are. I couldn’t stop those feelings from showing when I looked at you, which is in large part why I find myself single again. And...you are so incredible...so talented. That dress is amazing...you are amazing.”

 

He released her chin and brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “You take my breath away, Sweetheart.”

 

She was lost in the melted chocolate of his eyes. She felt his fingers graze her jaw before finding purchase on her neck, pulling her toward him.

 

She always thought she’d close her eyes when she finally got kissed. Eventually, she did, but when their lips first touched, their eyes were locked together. When he turned more toward her, and slotted his lips against hers…

 

...that is when the rush of feelings seemed to pull them closed.

 

Later it would be more, but at this moment...in the moment that kiss was almost sacred.

 

THAT was all that she thought a first kiss would be.


End file.
